I still don't know.
I have just spent several months reading, nights and weekends and days off. I have spent that time thinking and feeling and sensing. and I feel like I am right back where I was a decade ago. That is neither good or bad. It just is.
Did I learn from my readings? immense amounts of 'stuff,' yes. I am glad I did the readings. but I am still in a state of not knowing. nothing in the entire universe is any different whether I now 'know' or not. Or is it?
where was I a decade ago? I was then contemplating the wisdom in some words that struck me as quite startling in the book
creation spirituality, liberating gifts for the peoples of the earth by matthew fox (harpersanfrancisco, 1991).
on page 63 of that book there is a section that says in part, under the title of 'an undivided unity: god as the self-organizing mind of the universe:'
"Scientist Erich Jantsch provocatively concludes his book, The Self-Organizing Universe, with the statement that 'God is . . . the mind of the universe.' Jantsch defines 'mind' as 'self-organization dynamics at many levels, as a dynamics which itself evolves. In this respect, all natural history is also history of mind.'"
Fox continues by noting that Jantsch observed that this knowledge was the domain of mystics until science began to recognize self-organization in all aspects of nature. Fox then observes that this 'mind' or self-organizing principle was called 'wisdom' in the Old Testament, or 'sophia,' God's co-creator, who still lies at the heart of the ever creating universe.
So then what is a human being?
The current epitome of billions of years of creation. Why epitome? Because of the ability to understand a lot about its own nature, and about the Nature of which it is a part.
What is consciousness or sentience?
The ability to be self-aware and to think abstractly. There may be more to it than that, some animals apparently have consciousness, some self-awareness, and some ability for thought. But none quite compare with the human prowess in these areas.
Why is there consciousness or sentience?
Good question/unknowable answer. The more attractive thought is that the Universe has a 'telos,' an inner, diffuse urge to become self-aware and reveal itself, its divine self according to some, through sentient beings that she has been raising up and growing within her, not unlike mushrooms on a forest floor.
does the individual persist after the body perishes?
When one consults some scientists the answer is an absolute 'no.' When one consults one's inner guidance system, one's intuitive ways of knowing, the answer ranges from 'yes' to 'maybe,' usually.
Religious and mystical thought and traditions are little help: lore on the afterlife is all over the map, descriptively, and if the reincarnationists have it right it is not the personality that passes into a new body but a subtle essence only. If Rumi has it right, we are water drops dissolving back into the ocean, God, from where we came. That is very close, in a way, to the idea that the Universe has a subtle directing mind, one sometimes called God, directing its creative process of which we are one part, albeit a very important part.
Several books in my reading list suggested the only legitimate source of knowledge is science. Several others said this is absurd given science's limitations, self-imposed and rightly so. There are other legitimate and trustworthy sources of knowledge.
Some of those other sources of knowledge are intuitive, mystical. The oracles of religions, even if they get the science all wrong, may have greater useful explanatory power than the crucibles of science. Knowing thet the Universe sprang explosively from a singularity cannot in any way address value. Religion/mysticism can look at creation and discuss value, legitimately. Our inner senses based on our experience usually say there is value in and to life, and there is value in how we conduct life. Let's trust our experience.
What is my personal 'bottom-line' ?
In a way I appreciate the 'cloud of unknowing' not having been lifted much, if any at all, through these readings. I really appreciate the gift of wonder and awe that comes with not knowing. Not knowing is not ignorance. Not knowing means knowing that one does not know. This leaves life's doors and windows wide open for surprise. Surprise is good.
Life is a wondrous gift from the Universe. Savor it.
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